[Arbc deb]

Hello everyone - this is my first post on the forum. I played an incorrect card tonight in an individual tournament game. My mis-judgement but not the end of the world. However my one-round partner sent me a private message later when the tournament was over asking me why I hadn’t returned their suit. I immediately apologised, very politiely. Now my 2 questions: I can’t see the response I sent, where would it be seen (it is not shown as a continuation in the message I received from the partner). My second question, I wondered what the “ignore” button means next to someone? Does it mean for example that we would not be paired again? Thanks everyone

[mycroft]

• Yeah, mistakes happen. Yeah, people will ask later, sometimes in a "when did you learn to play bridge? I mean, I know it was today, but what time today?"(*) tone. This can be good or bad.
  
• One of my comments to new players is "the answer to 90% of questions that start 'why did you' or 'why didn't you' is 'because I am an idiot'. It's what partner wants to hear, and they likely will keep pressing until you admit it, so why not immediately? You can leave the other half of the answer: 'for agreeing to play with you" unspoken."
  
• But note that the other 10% of the time, partner really does want to know why, either because they know you had a plan, but they just can't see it, or maybe they misled you with their play and want to make sure they don't do it again, or because you're in a teaching/mentoring partnership right now, and "the only wrong answer is 'I don't know'. If you have a reason, I can show you where your reasoning is faulty; if you didn't have a reason, then I can't teach you here."
  
• One of the reasons bridge is hard is working out the lie of unknown cards. This does not always apply to the actual hand in play.
  
• One of the joys of bridge is you can get a partner anywhere in the world. Online, even easier.
  
• One of the downsides of bridge is that it is a partnership game, and some players are not cut out to be good partners.
  
• One of the issues with the two statements above is that people who aren't the latter tend to find partners and stop playing pickup/individuals. So the concentration of the latter in the pickup pool/individual games is higher.
  
• You can see where this is going, and probably what my recommendation is going to be: use individuals and pickup games to *find compatible partners*.
  
• One of the things about bridge is that "there are a million mistakes to make, and everyone has to make them. The difference between an expert and the rest of us is how many they make *twice*." But some people are of the "how could you do this *to me*?" variety (see above, re: "not cut out").
  
• Not a BBO person, and I'm sure there are things I'm missing, but: Ignore means "won't see chat from them specifically to me, will auto-deny partnership requests (and table requests?)" But it won't stop you from being paired against (or with, in individuals) them in tournaments.
  
• Having said all that, Rule 16 of Jeff Goldsmith's Imperious Rules of Bridge is: "If you have not been passed in Blackwood, you cannot win an individual." Did you pass him in Blackwood? Then don't worry about it.
  
• Finally, you do kind of have to grow a thick skin to play this game. You can (and should!) have lines and boundaries that are not to be crossed, but you don't get better unless your mistakes are pointed out to you (if you notice it at the time, it's one of those you've made *twice* again :-). And partnerships only work well if they discuss things and get on the same page. Like everything else in bridge, you have to put aside what you did on the last hand (good, bad, or mindless) or you won't be able to concentrate fully on this hand (and again, that doesn't necessarily mean 'the actual hand in play'). And bridge is a game full of smart people, and smart people will *show off*. And sometimes forget that they're not the only Actor in the room, and the rest of the room isn't just an Audience. It's bad, but it will never go away, just like it will never go away in any other social interaction world you have.

(*)ERRNOFOOTNOTE: famous quote of world champion playing with a particularly challenging client. Thankfully, standards have changed so that you can't actually *say* it any more, but the obvious implication frequently shines through.

[barmar]

If you go to Messages->Chat you should see all your chat, but received and sent.

If you click on the person you're chatting with to show their profile, you can click on the "Show chat" button. This will replace the profile with the private chat between you and them. Clicking on "Hide chat" will go back to the profile.

[pilowsky]

Yes, if you label them 'ignore' they will not be able to pair with you or chat with you.

[smerriman]

pilowsky, on 2025-April-23, 17:53, said:

Yes, if you label them 'ignore' they will not be able to pair with you or chat with you.

Chat with you, correct, but it will not stop them being paired in an individual tourney like the OP was playing.