[jjbrr]

 y66, on 2012-December-23, 14:39, said:

I mentioned OP's predicament to 4 women today. The consensus is that "no presents" means "not a lot of presents or no expensive presents". They suggested lingerie, a silk or wool scarf, a cute hat, chocolates or perfume.

I see, so when they said "not a lot" or "not expensive" they cited lingerie, silk, and perfume as their alternatives.

Sorry, y66, but this is exactly what got OP in trouble. They couldn't explicitly say that they expect gold and diamonds; that would be "unreasonable" or "materialistic" or whatever word it is they use to justify their alternatives.

[VMars]

Honestly, all women are different.

When I say I don't want presents, it means that I do not want presents, and you won't be getting any from me.

But I do think that you should know what your wife means by "I don't want presents".

[debrose]

[quote name='VMars' timestamp='1356412065' post='692105']
Honestly, all women are different.

When I say I don't want presents, it means that I do not want presents, and you won't be getting any from me.

But I do think that you should know what your wife means by "I don't want presents".
[/quote

Plus one

[Bbradley62]

 jjbrr, on 2012-December-24, 20:43, said:

 y66, on 2012-December-23, 14:39, said:

I mentioned OP's predicament to 4 women today. The consensus is that "no presents" means "not a lot of presents or no expensive presents". They suggested lingerie, a silk or wool scarf, a cute hat, chocolates or perfume.

I see, so when they said "not a lot" or "not expensive" they cited lingerie, silk, and perfume as their alternatives.

Sorry, y66, but this is exactly what got OP in trouble. They couldn't explicitly say that they expect gold and diamonds; that would be "unreasonable" or "materialistic" or whatever word it is they use to justify their alternatives.

Sorry, jjbrr, but all of the items mentioned by y66's female friends can be bought at Macy's for under $40, which is consistent with the description "not a lot of presents or no expensive presents". They do not expect gold or diamonds. Yes, a married man is simply supposed to know these things (or be clever enough to ask for advice well in advance).

[blackshoe]

 Bbradley62, on 2012-December-24, 23:28, said:

Yes, a married man is simply supposed to know these things (or be clever enough to ask for advice well in advance).

Of course. After all, he got the two week orientation course, right?

[paulg]

 cherdano, on 2012-December-24, 15:45, said:

And she knew subtle hints would not be enough.

Clearly a woman who would understand that it is the responsibility of the alerter to ensure that the alert has been seen. I've been telling my wife that hints do not count if they are not seen ... after twenty-five years, you'd think she'd learn.

[jjbrr]

 Bbradley62, on 2012-December-24, 23:28, said:

Sorry, jjbrr, but all of the items mentioned by y66's female friends can be bought at Macy's for under $40, which is consistent with the description "not a lot of presents or no expensive presents". They do not expect gold or diamonds. Yes, a married man is simply supposed to know these things (or be clever enough to ask for advice well in advance).

While we're at it, you can get them for under $15 at kmart

[lycier]

Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your generosity, I was able to provide a lovely luncheon for my friends. We had a very nice day, and I told my friends of your wonderful gift - in fact we haven't gotten over it and even Father John, our parish priest, is beside himself with joy. By the way, there was ￡5 [$10 USD] missing. I think it must have been those thieving fellows at the Post Office.

George could not help musing on Oscar Wilde's quote: 'A good deed never goes unpunished'.

[kenberg]

I got this problem. I think of myself as reasonably modern, but I like Hank Williams. Fwiw, I submit his views:

[Phil]

Maybe we should pin this and rename it "BBF marriage strategy guide".

By the way, we just celebrated our 26th Christmas together. I think I've heard, "Oh, I really don't want anything this year" 24 times.

She got Bocelli tickets inside a balloon she had to pop.

If you can make birthdays, Christmas's, Mother's Day (do they have that in Spain?) and anniversaries special, going away to bridge tournaments will become less stressful.

[Phil]

 debrose, on 2012-December-24, 23:22, said:

 VMars, on 2012-December-24, 23:07, said:

Honestly, all women are different.

When I say I don't want presents, it means that I do not want presents, and you won't be getting any from me.

But I do think that you should know what your wife means by "I don't want presents".

Plus one

What do you say when you want something large?

[paulg]

 Phil, on 2012-December-26, 10:09, said:

What do you say when you want something large?

Normally involves comments about the paucity of presents last year, about two months before Xmas.

[VMars]

 Phil, on 2012-December-26, 10:09, said:

What do you say when you want something large?

I want (fill in the blank). I am going to buy it unless you want to get it for my birthday.

I tend to be very specific with what I want (especially if it's expensive) because I do not want my SO to spend a lot of money (which to me is $50+, to him it seems to be more) on something I won't love and don't at least somewhat need.

I don't really need to be surprised.

[mycroft]

Heh. I'm exactly the opposite (but of course, not female): I'm incredibly hard to buy for, I do realize, but the thing I want is a surprise. Which dovetails badly with "incredibly hard to buy for".

People in the gift-giving frame of mind have learned to ask 3 or 4 months before for a list; and they get 4-5 times the size of list that anyone would expect to get. That way, I don't know what I'm getting, but if it's on the list, it will be enjoyed.

But yes, learning what people (especially the other in a relationship) mean by what they say is an interesting task. Would be enjoyable if one got as many chances as in bridge, and if the consequences of getting it wrong were as guessing wrong on a bridge hand - but of course it isn't. For many of us, especially those "on the spectrum", it would be nice if there was a warning and a codebook obviously available online as "SO-to-English 101" (i.e. that even implies that this is an issue).

Note: this is not limited to one gender in a relationship - one of my first of these issues was a mismatch in the meaning of "good". I mean the word as "better than average; not incredible, but say 7.5, 8 out of 10". She used it (and heard it) as "barely adequate; not horrible, but say 3/10". "How did you like [special day she spent a lot of time and effort into getting right for me]?" "It was good, thanks."