[blackbikin]

belly dancing with redskin:

player: TD, how do i alert i want some drink¿
td:sorry¿
player: ok then i alert, i want a double wiskey with water and ice

what next¿
love
barbara

[aisha759]

I thought this thread had died out..... but i was wrong! Mirjam and Frosty, your stories are hysterical, and blackbikini too ....
I hosted with marc yesterday, cant remember if anything funny happened, ahh now i remember... one player's regular partner got disconnected, so i subbed, then sub said she needed to go to another turney (which i suppose she signed up for earlier and forgot to remove herself from a bridge to far) anyway, i did let her go, (didnt want to explain etiquette and so on) i replaced her, that replacement was also disconnected, and this went on and on, until the player sends me a private message saying she feels like a woman who has been married and divorced so many times (7 to be exact was the number of subs i gave her)

Me: well, dont feel bad, you are like Elizabeth Taylor now, but without the solitaire )

Had to make her smile, she was having a hard time....

[aisha759]

I was helping tritri, ariakas, marc and luis in directing a turney last night... 16 boards, many disconnects and a lot of score adjustments being demanded at the same time...
One player asked me to adjust board 6 at table 5, 5 HeartsX-1... after i checked it, i confidently adjusted, and got a "ty" from player... lo and behold, a few minutes later, I recieve a private message from the same player telling me, I had adjusted board 5 at table 6, 6 HeartsX-1 !!!!
I was too embarassed to admit to my mistake, and would have loved to tell the player that another TD may have done it by mistake, but I didnt and said i would recheck to see how the mistake happened.... Of course, i did fix it, but ended up having to readjust boards 5 and 6 at 2 tables, and spent the whole evening doing that!
Thank God we were a few directors and I was able to take my time

It wasnt funny at the time, and maybe not funny now either

[Fouad]

Hi Aisha

I realy enjoyed your stories ..which made me feel that not only me who meet these funny situations when runing my tourney "Earthquake tourney "
here are some
- a player was playing 7nt missing ace .. in imps tourney ( which sure will cost him many imps ) cldn't finish the board in time ..so average -ve was given automaticaly ...this player kept asking me "why av -ve" "i claimed and opp refused""this is not fair" and finally he asked "ARE U A DIRECTOR ?"

- a player kept asking me to leave the tourney saying that he is novice and his expert pd could not win 1NT with 22 points

- a player asked me to come to table cause slow play from opp .. and i guessed he was rite .. so i incresed the time of the round 4 min and his opp lost the board and paid 800 .... after the round one of his opp was angry why did i increase the time and that this cost him 800 cause the round time was going to end and the board was going not to be finished and that he wld have taken average

[Mirjam_3]

Player: Plse sub me, i need to go.
I: Ok, did you tell your p?
Player: It is only a sub.

[slothy]

Playing in a tourney,

Aisha: i got bad connection here all. Might get disconnected

Opp: OK but we nearly finished

Aisha gets disconnected. Opps gettting nervous and the lady opp says we wont finish......Think is is time to start talking...

Opp: You think aisha coming back Slothy. Shall we call host?

Slothy: Give her a few minutes...she runs out of coal sometimes to fuel the computer...

Opp: OK. We wont FINISH!!

(thinking this hand a top anyway, might try and make it amusing...)

Slothy: Oh My GOd. She just phoning me. There is a man trying to break into her house!!!!

Opp: Oh no!!!

Slothy: Yesss, its the postman apparently!!!

Slothy: The postman has forced himself into her house, hit the Rottwieller over the head with a wholemeal baguette, and forced her at gun-point to lick her stamp for a letter he gave her !! Do you think i should call the police?

Opp: Sorry dont understand much. Is she is in danger??? (Me: sorry i couldnt believe this remark; seems i got her hooked....Gonna milk this)

Slothy: Well, it is quite a large stamp and her tongue isnt that big, although by the amount she talks you would have thought differently.

Slothy: Going back to your previous remark, I dont know about Aisha, but this contract is in danger!!! Oh noooooo, she is screaming down the phone now!!!! She is screaming something like "Tra fishq ma na allah. " Geez i wish she wouldn't scream in Arabic when she is in a life-threatening situation...

Opp: Do you speak Arabic?

Slothy: Only a bit, but hard to understand somebody when their tongue is covered in adhesive gum....I think she is shouting something like "The King of spades is with West!!!". Out of curiousity, is she correct?

Opp: OK you are joking!!! Please play....

Slothy: Oh my God!!! there is a funny sound on the phone....seems like the Rottwieler is eating the mobile phone!!! Theres a thhwwaaah thwwaaaaah grtteeettrr klump brrrr brrr sound...Dont want this Rottwiler to choke..she only bought it 3 weeks ago....DOWN Rover DOWN, let go let go, nice boy......

Opp: Please play!!!! There is only 5 minutes. I cant beleive this!!

Slothy: I cant believe she called it Rover too. She hasn't got much of an imagination huh?

Slothy: No problem, only 4 cards to play....anyway Aisha to play. Have you heard a Rottwieler chewing a mobile, <opp name>. It is quite interesting. Sounds like the opening of a EMINEM rap song (a white guy in dungerees for thos who arent generationally aware)

Aisha: Back, sorry, i got disconnected.

Slothy: How is the Rottwieler?

Aisha: Huh.

Slothy: Claim all tricks opp

.....

[Mirjam_3]

Since i have a private club for winners of Glamour and some of my friends i found it hard to let lobby see the Glamour Tournaments and the Glamour Tournaments of the Glamour Bridge Club (the private club ones). For the moment i call those of the private club Glamoured.
Sometimes i open the table for non members to fill up tables or to get subs, so you cannot know for sure whether the players are members or not...

At a certain moment a Glamour Bridge Club member wondered to me about his p:

"Is he glamoured?"

[aisha759]

Helping Marc in his tourneys is a real adventure!
He is a very seasoned and professional director, but....... loves to pull pranks on his co-TD's:

I get called to a table: (prompt message said)

<player> "director, opp says his p is dead."(i've heard a lot of different terminologies for a disconnected player: frozen, stuck, red, red-dotted,booted) but dead??? That was a first for me! I was busy doing some very complicated adjustment at the time, and on a long distance call (adjustment was wrong by the way) I suddenly left what i was so eagerly doing, and ran to the table! Thank god the guy was alive and kicking, but not responding, so i proceeded to do my favorite : replacing disconnected player (whose nick by the way was something like jdrbd3Fmr....a bit of an exageration, but close ) suddenly, i find myself sitting in the dead player's seat...the biding was over, the first card had been led and I had to make this contract which was a 3NT. As I was busy asking spwdo (mark) what happened and why i was playing rather than helping ( no reply from him which automatically made me think i had subbed myself... lack of confidence you see ) I made that 3NT (out of pure luck), only to find out it was a surprise from Marc, to make me sub rather than let me help him out! In the meantime, I am still listed as TD so still recieving calls for subbing and adjusting etc..... there was nothing i could do about it, but to divert calls to the other co-hosts, and to my surprise!!!!!! Marc had done the same thing with another co-TD, and put him in as a sub! Thank god it was 2nd to last round and we were able to have fun with all this...
I think Marc is a masochist ( slothy if the spelling is wrong please feel free to correct in next post) He asks for help, then subs the help!
Intersting though.... when a player gets a TD as sub, the whole table starts behaving in a different manner (e.g. tempo, alerts, only english at table, even if they can't speak one word) evertything seems to fall into place....

You have all heard the saying "its good to be de king!" well i'll tell you," its good to be de directorrrrr" (sometimes)

P.S. I added a lot of salt and pepper to this post to make it more interesting... the names have been changed to protect the innocent

Keep your stories coming!

[spwdo]

Something went wrong here resulting in 2 posts , Ben if u can edit one before Alex picks up on it i woud owe u one

[spwdo]

Helping Marc in his tourneys is a real adventure!
He is a very seasoned and professional director(dont know that), but....... loves to pull pranks on his co-TD's:(sure do)

I think Marc is a masochist ( slothy if the spelling is wrong please feel free to correct in next post) He asks for help, then subs the help! (only as a favour to keep my fellow tds regain thier full focuss off course when they long distance calling/gettting bored etc.)

P.S. I added a lot of salt and pepper to this post to make it more interesting... the names have been changed to protect the innocent (except my name off course wich is spelled CORRECT ALEX)(TWICE)
Keep your stories coming!

A sidestory.

Playing in a teammatch today amoung tds with mostley tds, i added all tds playing on the director list, in fact whenever i called td my messagge was send to my partner elena.Baord 8 came , in that time other table already finisched.My lho opend 2♣ (not alerted, ssssst td think of the eample we have to give ) when i thought it woud be funny to message my partner about this non alert.Great was my surprisse after sending "no alert 2C, plaese adjust loveXXX!H!H!H " to director my rho beky said lollllllll to me (other table finisching obvuisly made another director getting my calls)



Marc

[Mirjam_3]

Player: Plse adjust -2
I: I think it was down 1.
Player: But they were awful.

[aisha759]

Please TD's tell me how to deal with this situation I encountered today... I was helping Fo(Fouad) and he witnessed part of it..

I get called to a table, the bidding is over, and the person on lead would not play... he said that opp alerted a X (which i could see, and it had no explanation) and they were asking him what it meant, and he wouldnt reply, so player decided he would NOT lead until he got an explanation...

I begged opp to explain the alerted X, this was our dialogue:

player: i will not explain until the bidding is over!
Me: you have to explain alert right away; since you failed to do that, pls do so now.
player: not until the bidding is over
Me: but the bidding is over, and time is running out
player: if i explain now, it will give away the lead
Me: what??? I am asking you nicely to alert your bid now, otherwise opps will not make the lead, and i might have to adjust in their favor if you dont finish this board on time...
(in the meantime, i am begging opp to play..)
player: its my first time to play bridge
Me: oh! i hope you are enjoying, pls explain your alert (trying to stay polite)
player: ok, its good hand 10+pts
me: thank you very much, now please proceed to play.

Is this funny?

Aisha

[aisha759]

This one, is from the same turney i was co-hosting with Fo; it was sent to me as a private message in Italian... my italian is almost non existent but i sure undersdood this sentence; here it is (in english) he he

" Why is my partner a "cretino" with capital letters?"

Me: sorry i dont speak italian...

I won't be directing for a while.....

Aisha

[Mirjam_3]

today i recieved a message from a dutch player telling me he was wondering whether he cd be subbed in since he lost his connection at the start ot the tourney and he was figuring out how the site works since he was at BBO for the very first time...

i told him i cd sub him in again but i cd not tell him when and whom his p was going to be... he agreed and hang in lobby...

i told my co this player cd be subbed in if possible.. but then.. he lost his connection when i wanted to sub him in and i thought well ,, maybe a next time..

at the very last board i saw his name at a table

at the same time my co said:

i subbed him in to beat 7nt

he became 3rd with it!!!!

we may have a new BBO member forever!!!

[Mirjam_3]

Player (Lobby): Can u let me sub - I am in suspension.

[Fouad]

I was co with gweny in her tourney today and the following dialog happened

me ( to the tourney ) : 7 min left we must be playing the last (3rd) board now
player : I finished the 3rd board from 4 min
me : good you did
player : Can I play the 4th now ?

[blackbikin]

i started to play in tourneys more then before,and have great plan, when td not busy (must be man)

blackbikin: pretty pls i need asjust
TD: yes dear imediately..........2 minutes later " i looked at all you boards, all looks fine"
blackbikin:oh, i need adjust of my bikini

[Fouad]

Today while running my tourney ...after 2 min of the start

player talked in private

player: adjust board number 1 to 3nt by south
me : why ?.. round not finished yet
player : pls review the board
me : did u finish it
player : yes
me : then why u need adjustment ?
player : because we have 3nt and the bid went ALL PASS



fo

[Mirjam_3]

Discussion with starplayer (nono, the name is topsecret):

At a certain pount NN made adjustment for a table with connection problem. The contract was 3n made.
A few minutes later we are at the last table of the tourney and again there was a connection problem and all were waiting so i decided to adjust that last board.

Look what happens next

->Mirjam_3: Automated message: Director has adjusted Board x to 3NS+2 at table xx
Player (Lobby): not correct my dear, the declarer managed to produce 9 tricks only
->Player: do u think ?
->Player: he was sure not going to finesse he played the j to unblock i think
Player (Lobby): I do not think I was defending it - 2!S+2!h+3!d+2!C were the declarer's tricks
->Player: but even than we agree he was not going to finesse right?
Player (Lobby): what finesse? at 4 cards endplay he cashed A!C from hands when my conn problem
->Player: i talk about last board.. and u werenot at t xx
->Player: ok again what board u talk about?
Player (Lobby): I talked about board No.x played at table No. a where declarer made 9 tricks and NN adjusted to 9 tricks since it was ...
Player(Lobby): clear endplay and much to my surprise after NN adjustment I received another adjustment from you
Player(Lobby): sorry now I understood it was the last table where we all were kibs LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

[showle]

Okay, I had one that REALLY got to me tonight

Player: I have asked over and over for an explanation of the 3 ♥ bid here, but neither of my opponents will explain! I'm not playing another card until I get a satisfactory answer.

Me: Let me ask them-- perhaps they missed the query. (then I realize that the player making the complaint was the one who bid 3 ♥, not the opps!)

Player: Time is running out-- please make them answer!

Me: Sorry, but you yourself are the one who bid 3 ♥-- I don't think the opps have any useful information about a bid that YOU made. Play on please

Player: I don't understand. I clicked on 3 ♥ multiple times and by law they owe me an explanation!

(another directors call comes in, but I push it to the side temporarily)

Me: But YOU were the one to bid 3 ♥. It's highly unlikely that your opponents will be able to provide you with any useful information regarding your own bid. Your opponents can only answer questions about their own bids. Play on please.

Player: Sorry! I forgot that I was the one who bid 3 ♥-- my mouse and keyboard are old. I need to replace them.

(yet another directors call comes in)

Me: Hope I have helped and that this solved your issue. Play on folks!

I leave the table....

Then I get a whisper while I am in the lobby from this same lady: "Sorry, I just forgot that I was the one who bid that. I guess I'm just confused! But I still think that the opps could have answered me. If we don't finish this hand I think our side deserves an A+ since they held me up by not answering my questions in a timely manner."


ARGH!